Happy Birthday Dado

Monday, October 5th was my dad's 66th birthday. This year I really had intentions of starting a tradition in memory of his birthday, but as the date grew closer I just couldn't bring myself to plan anything. It was difficult to be around anyone that day, even my family. As some of you may know, my dad passed away on May 5th, 2008.

I miss my dad everyday. It still feels like a nightmare that he is gone. It is still shocking and hard to believe. Most days I don't know how I will go on without him in my life. Some days I just push forward trying not to think about it. Other days I am extremely angry and upset about his loss and very irritable. Kaitlynn always seems to make things better, though. She will do or say something that reminds me of my dad and in that moment I know he is with us.

I think losing a parent is something that you never get over. It is always with you. There will always be something missing from who you are.

I know that my dad is in Heaven and is no longer in pain, but it is sure hard to deal with the pain / loss in my heart / the emptiness. I will cling to the years of memories I have of him until we meet again.

Happy Birthday Dad / PawPaw Dado! We love you and miss you. We will never forget you.

Remembering PawPaw Dado

Happy Grandparent's Day!

Make a Smilebox slideshow

One Year

Tuesday May 5th marked one year since my dad's passing. In a way I can't believe it's been a year and then in another way it feels like such a long time ago.

Kaitlynn often looks at the picture book I made her of Dado. She knows who he is and says she remembers him. If you ask her where PawPaw Dado is, she will tell you that he is "night night" or in heaven.

When it is thundering and she says she is scared, I tell her that it's OK, it is just Dado up in heaven bowling and talking about his precious Kaitlynn.

I would like to get some kind of tradition started to remember my dad on May 5th, but this year it was still so fresh and difficult. I kept myself busy because that is my way of trying to cope with it. Maybe next year.

New Day, New Things

Saturday I didn't have time to give Kaitlynn a bath before we went to Cotton Babies for the Grand Opening, so I brought her bath stuff to my mom's.
Kaitlynn's bath towel is from Avon. Isn't she adorable?
After being at Cotton Babies almost all day, my mom, Dave, Kaitlynn and I went to Target and Wal-Mart. After shopping we were going to have dinner at a Mexican restaurant, but it started storming while we were in Wal-Mart, so we decided to just stay there and eat at Blimpies.
I bought some bows for Kaitlynn's hair. She still doesn't have much hair, but I am dying to be able to put bows in her hair.
She is modeling her new sun hat. We lost her other sun hat after our trip to Florida in March.
I couldn't help but try the Robeez on her that I won at Cotton Babies. I don't care if they are for boys, they look awfully cute on her.

Kaitlynn's Letter to her PawPaw

Dear PawPaw,
I am going to miss you so much. I am so used to seeing you everyday. You were such a devoted grandfather. You would do anything for me. You celebrated with mommy and daddy when they found out I was a girl. You helped mommy and daddy finish the basement so I would have a place to play. You helped daddy put the crib together before I was born (even though I have never slept in it). You were there for my birth. You helped mommy and daddy home from the hospital with me. You rocked me to sleep. You were with me the first time I went out to eat. You came to my mommy’s and my rescue the first time I had the flu. You have taken me on walks. You sang to me. You played with me. You took me to IHOP to see my boys in red hats. You’ve babysat me. You went to Grant’s Farm and the Zoo with me. You went with me to the Pumpkin Patch. You spent my first Halloween with me. You were with me for my first Christmas. You were there when I took my first steps. You helped mommy and daddy prepare for my first birthday party. You went to Florida with us and saw me on the beach for the first time. You would meet me at McDonald’s to play in the play area. You’ve held me and watched me grow for the last 14 months. We have shared more in 14 months, than some people share their whole lives. Mommy and daddy will help me to always remember you and keep the memories alive.

These last few weeks have been tough because I have not seen you very much. The few times I have seen you, you were in a hospital bed. One day mommy and daddy will explain all of this to me. But one thing is for sure, I will always love you.

PawPaw, I wish you were still here. I liked taking your black hat off your head and throwing it or trying to eat it. I enjoyed teasing you. I would act like I was going to kiss you and then turn my head or I would reach my arms out for you and then turn away. If you were still here, I would reach my arms out for you and kiss you (no turning away). I will wait until the day you can hold me in your arms again.

Your little princess,
Kaitlynn

P.S. Mommy will take care of my ponytail for you.

Beautiful Day

Today Dave took my dad to get a colonoscopy so he had the Honda (which has the car seat in it). So Kaitlynn and I weren't able to go to the Nursing Moms Group. After a late breakfast, we took a 30 minute walk around the neighborhood. Then we played in the front yard for awhile. It was such a beautiful day!

Dave brought the car back before he went to work, so Kaitlynn and I went to my parents' house. My dad's colonoscopy went well, but he was feeling tired and weak. He was happy that I brought Kaitlynn over. Kaitlynn loves seeing my parents.

Monday Night

On Monday evening we went to my parents' house for dinner. My mom invited the lady she works for (Beth) and her 2 boys (Auggie and Elliott) over. Kaitlynn loves playing with Auggie and Elliott. Auggie is really good with her. Elliott likes playing with her, too, but can be kind of mean to her. Right after the boys left, Kaitlynn fell into my parents' rocking chair and got a bruise on the right side of her face (under her eye).
We watched Memory Keeper's Daughter on Lifetime. My mom and I read this book several months back and really loved it. We liked the movie, however, a lot of facts from the book were changed in the movie. I am definitely glad I read the book because it was excellent. I wish they wouldn't have changed or omitted so much in the movie.

Playing Dress-Up?

Kaitlynn found one of my nursing bras last night and decided to show it to her visitors. Thankfully it was just my parents. She was walking around the house with one of the straps in her mouth.

Then we thought it would be funny to put it on her. She thought it was so cool that I was taking pictures of her with it on.

Great Grandma's and Sliding

Yesterday Kaitlynn and I went to my grandma's house to visit. My parents, Elliott, and niece Hanna met us there. Kaitlynn and I haven't seen my grandma since Kaitlynn's birthday party.
Kaitlynn had fun pulling Hanna's hair.
Kaitlynn and I were going to leave my grandma's at 1PM to go to the Older Babies Playgroup, but we ended up staying at my grandma's until about 2PM. After we left, we went to McDonald's. The food may not be the healthiest, but the playland is great for kids.





Kaitlynn really enjoyed the toddler play area. She climbed up the steps to the slide by herself and slid down all by herself. It was so cool to see her do that on her own.

Monday Night Dinner

Monday night we went to my parents' house for dinner. We go to their house almost every Monday night for dinner. Kaitlynn has a good time there and they have a lot of toys for her to play with.
Kaitlynn is climbing into and onto everything. She also dances anytime she hears music. It is so cute! I love to see her dance.

Laptop

Kaitlynn hates when I get on the laptop. She thinks all my attention is supposed to be on her at all times. And most of the time it is, but there are times when I would like to do other things. When I get the laptop out, Kaitlynn tries to touch the buttons (actually hit on the keypad) and shut the laptop closed. My mom thought that if Kaitlynn had her own laptop, she might leave ours alone. So she gave her a toy laptop. Kaitlynn will play with her laptop, but it doesn’t deter her from messing with ours.

New Dish Washer

Monday nights we usually go to my parents’ house for dinner. This Monday I was not feeling well, so my parents brought dinner to us. Kaitlynn enjoyed helping with the dishes after dinner. She is our new dish washer!

Another Sign

I keep being amazed at how much sign Kaitlynn actually understands / comprehends because I do not sign with her very consistently. Wednesday the 23rd, while I was giving Kaitlynn a bath, every time she would see one of the cats (Pumpkin), she would start hitting her hand to her knee or on the side of her infant tub. I wasn't sure if she was just playing or if she was really trying to sign "dog" (and call the cat to her). Then last night, she was playing with my mom and Bailey and she kept hitting her hand to her knee. This is the sign for dog (hitting hand to thigh). I have heard that babies don't differentiate between animals, which I guess is why she is signing dog when talking about the cat.

I Love You

Yesterday early afternoon, Kaitlynn was sitting in her highchair eating lunch before we went to the Nursing Moms Group. I was feeding her and talking to Dave, who had just got back from grocery shopping. Kaitlynn looked at Dave and said "I Love You". She didn't pronounce the L so it sounded more like "I Ove You". She has been trying to say it for awhile, and finally got it out. We tell her we love her a lot and most of the time she seems to try to repeat it. After she said it, she smiled at Dave, like they had a secret from me. It was so cute (but of course I wish she had said it to me)! I kept trying to get her to say it to me, but she wouldn't, she just kept smiling at Dave. What a little stinker! After the Nursing Moms Group, my parents came over. While I was holding Kaitlynn, she looked at my dad and said "I love you dodo dada." So maybe "dodo dada" is her name for Paw Paw. Then Kaitlynn started saying "I love you" to everything (yes she even finally said it to me).

Kaitlynn's P.A.T. visit

Kaitlynn had a Parents as Teachers visit. Our P.A.T.'s name is Amy. We signed up with P.A.T. last summer and we had our first visit on July 31st. Since then, we have had a visit on September 25th, November 13th, and January 16th. Kaitlynn seems to like Amy and I do, too. She used to be a teacher and has at least 2 children (I can't remember these details very well - mommy brain). We have also done several activities with the Parkway P.A.T. at the Early Childhood Center. We went to the Bubble Picnic and the Baby Fair and Fun Time in September and Baby Boogie in November. The first 3 pictures are from the Bubble Picnic (which was held inside because it was raining). In the 3rd picture Kaitlynn is on the right. The last 2 pictures are from the Baby Fair and Fun Time (my parents went with me). My dad is one of these pictures with her.

Kaitlynn's First Steps

Kaitlynn took her first few steps without assistance on Saturday the 5th. My parents were over and we were in the family room. Kaitlynn was standing up to the futon and then let go and walked to my dad. We knew her first steps would be coming soon because she has been trying to stand by herself a lot lately. I can't believe my baby is going to be walking soon!